Saturday, 25 February 2017

Pint of No Return

At 0600 I woke up knowing I was in the Lego League National Finals. So I leapt out of bed and banged a sleeping Bud on the bum and said hadn't we better get moving, it's 0606 and we're supposed to be at the school at 0615. That's tomorrow you Norbert, he said, crapsticks I said and slunk off to bed again.
flip out cosham party timeSo it was tough to wake me up at 0830 and he took me to acting for a 9am start.
Planned parts of the day:
Play rehearsals
'Film and TV acting' extra class at 10am
Swift lunch and Flip-out with the PuddleBoys
Quiet afternoon in preparation for tomorrow.
Bud absolved himself of responsibilities by going to yet another beer festival in Gosport and Jof did the shopping at Giant Tesco.
At the theatre I learned about Film and TV with the runner and the gaffer and the rest of the film crew. Gunwharf was set on fire and the road in front of us was full of emergency vehicles. In Flip-out we attacked generally and all fell down in the section with the suspended punchbag.

Friday, 24 February 2017

Calm before the Storm

road traffic accident near missFriday. For many, this means cathartic release from the stresses of the week for those with Friday on their minds, a half-day, a half-arsed day, a reason to thank a god of your choice, or a chance to wake up at 2am on the sofa with a second bottle of whisky still open on the table and white noise on BBC2.
But for Jof and I it was a time for quiet contemplation, gentle laundry, comfortable sofas and the last registered day of half-term. OK, so we went out into the briskly breezy outside world and visited the park.  
Storm Doris had ruffled the still-hibernating trees and dislodged the last of the dead branches. Thus, the ground was covered in the redacted dry twigs of last years' growth, amongst the brave new shoots of the new spring bulbs, a Crocus contradiction and Daffodil doublethink.
milton park portsmouth tennis courtsAh, we thought. The Scout Group is doing a skills-demo and camping sleepover soon so they'll need tinder (not the online discovery tool for like-minded bearers of red-hot desire, but stick-thin young scions capable of red-hot fire) so we got a free plastic bag off some woman using the bottlebank and brought home a sheaf of firestarters, because the Group Quartermaster needs all the help he can get.
chocolate dip on shortbread fingersYou know the way models in adverts have to look overjoyed to be holding the Yogurt or toothbrush or garden tool that is paying their fees? Well, I tried. But ground-breaking magazine 'Bingo Life' just made me think of dentures, colic and flatulence.
bingo life magazine and young fanApparently I have some kind of Lego-related national competition coming up. So, in honour thereof, Jof baked cakes and created other chocolatey culinary delights and I helped decorate them. So here we have Marzipan Lego blocks (6, 8, and 12 nobbers) and some cupcakes with Lego motif and some shortbread fingers with chocolate dip and some marzipan fingers with chocolate drips and brewer's droop.
For Film Night we saw 'Gremlins', a 1984 Spielberg kiddie-oriented spookathon that freaked me out for the first section and then made us all laugh. The gunseller from T1, 2 guys from Beverly Hills Cop and numerous others from the 80s graced its frames and it was good to point them out.
So if that's the calm before the storm, can't wait to see the eye ...

Thursday, 23 February 2017

Underage Welsh Bird (5) ............. Mynah

car driving with snow on roof
Despite the fact that it's half term and Jof is on holiday to look after me, I spent another 7 hours in theatrical childcare, along with 99 others (the fabled 99 problems).
Actually, I don't mind as it's my chosen profession and ultimate destiny. And by the age of 11, I'm sure that everyone who has already chosen a profession will indeed go on to make a successful career in that field.
So, Jof took me in and we did a proper hour of warm-up with songs and dances and warbling and ululation. Our singing tutor was there and she is very into wide mouths so we had to stick 3 fingers in our mouths and do the woomba woomba song from the Lion King and my jaw cracked like a gunshot and I was worried that I'd broken a tooth but it was just my flip-top head activating and now I can sing with 4 fingers shoved in my gob, eat your heart out Y2.KY Jelly (the lubricant that allows you to insert 4 digits instead of the usual 2).
Child B was even naughtier than before and very gobby and he is now on 2/3 of his 3 strikes-and-you're-out so let's hope he is out sooner rather than later.
2 days ago another wartime bomb was discovered just around the corner from the theatre which caused evacuation (of both houses and bowels) and traffic issues. Today we had extra weather from Storm Boris-and-Doris which brought woo-ooo noises and rattling windows during our lunch break: our own dedicated weatherbomb combo. By the afternoon it had passed.
solent afternoon winter storms southsea seafront
And we made up dance moves based on swimming warm-up actions and attacked each other with imaginary Tasers and sang songs and it was another long hard day.
So here is a picture of my Airfix Warplane (sitting on a first World War 6-pounder shell casing) that I painted for Scouts half-term homework. It is a resilient crate that has completed millions of missions and been sold down the line through various air forces and is now in camouflage mode with an extra bomb on the top.
camouflaged fighter jet plane mofifiedThis breakthrough in cloaking-technology-enabled aggressive aircraft design is for when the enemy gravity well is above you, or you're hiding your last bomb and then you turn upside down to release it!
Incidentally, I am also a successful Lego designer and will be competing in the National League Finals on Sunday. Watch me romp home here, on Youtube.

Wednesday, 22 February 2017

HorrorZone! HorrorZone!

local man paralysed after eating 413 chicken nuggetsRight in the middle of half-term (half-half?) so planned swimming. Known accomplice "Robert" asked to come which made it twice as good.
Sadly the whole world was at Havant Leisure Centre and the pool was packed so we went for a trip down memory lane to 'Horizones' the child-friendly sweatbox next door. This is where I broke my first bone and had birthday parties and none of us Puddlers are strangers to its ball-pits, padded walls and long bouncy slides that make your pants go up your bum.
This time we had to make do with Jof chasing us and fast-tracking through rope mazes with tight corners and sudden drops is not her speciality. But she battled on until her knees gave way and was accosted by numerous unaccompanied children who see her as a Mummy figure, because she just can't help being helpful. We got an hour of hardcore softplay.
soft play area for birthday parties havant
Later, the pool was emptier so we went in there too but 40 minutes was pretty well it for our attention span and we decamped for chippy comestibles upstairs. Amazingly, the sausages and chips had got cold between the adjacent kitchen and our plates but we ate the cheap fare anyway.
Then it was back to Bobs and a relaxed afternoon on the sofa.

Tuesday, 21 February 2017

Singing the Naff way

make your pooper angry burger king sign failTo make up for my tough day at work yesterday, Jof took me to the cinema to see 'Sing', a cartoon film for which I'd seen the advert.
A theatre facing hard times puts on a singing talent show and many charismatic animals (it's an all-animals film) with many personal issues bring a range of talents to the screen, with hilarious consequences.
collection copper ha'pennies pileOf course, I loved it because I am capable of enjoying so much more than Schwarzenegger movies, and Jof liked it even though its naffness levels are high. Despicable Me 3 looks good.
The Spinnaker Tower holds some new attractions, apparently, but it's still a lot of money to ascend the heady heights to see what they were. I guess some people will pay that much to get high, but not us.
Here is one of the things I found during my room clearout: a tub of old ha'pennies. Well, as there are no new ha'pennies and we have some much older ones in my real coin collection, I'm ditching these ones.

Monday, 20 February 2017

A Strung-out Jury

organic human juice supermarket sign display funny
First day of half-term: so I spent 7 hours of it working. I am in the next production at my theatre and play the role of Portly. Previously I thought I only had 4 lines but discovered that I'd missed one, and the whole cast is in the pivotal jury scene where Toad is convicted of gross toadery, and at that point we all have another 8 or so lines.
So we gathered at the theatre at 10am and boy was it packed. Because there are kids involved, we have to have 4 or so groups of the minor characters so green group play one performance, blue group play the next day etc, so nobody has to do too much.
That meant there were about 100 actors all doing an hour's warm-up and queuing for costume measuring and Child B is back (he was ditched a couple of years ago for being disruptive) and he's even worse and gosh it was a big long tough day.
During her copious free time, Jof likes to go swimming or gymming and that's where she was when her car broke down. Cue a Trump-style twitterstorm of frantic text messaging to get me picked up and her back home safely. In the end Bud got to me before I'd finished and Jof was escorted home by the rescue wagon and they'll fix the malfunctioning spark plugs tomorrow.

Sunday, 19 February 2017

Some Lead in Your Pencil

kids room clearout felt tip pensWell, it was open day at Jof's Gym and swimming pool so we planned to go. But you aren't allowed to use the gym until you're 16 and the pool is just a small one with no redeeming features and a surfeit of grannies, so instead I tidied my room. Voluntarily.
Mine is a big room and it's not as if it's full of rubbish because we do ongoing clear-ups anyway, so I ditched a few books, some kiddie-style light sabres, a load of coloured pens, half a bag of clay and some short pencils. At least the short pencils went into the fireplace for the annual christmas burn, because every year we keep all the bottle-corks and coconut shells and other woody trifles for midwinter disposal. And that was it, despite the fact that all my mates were probably playing in parks or having country walks or doing something worthy outdoors. Those Youtube videos aren't going to watch themselves, you know.
Later I looked at my script for 'Wind in the Willows'. I have 4 lines. 4.