Merrie Engerlund, Engerlund, Engerlund

I don't get a day off just because it's Saturday, I'm kept busy so the devil doesn't find my idle hands. First, Sydney came round and I said I was sorry for being an old misery-pot when we did our bike ride, and we played on the X-Box for far too short a time.

In Acting we did some singing and rehearsal for the Lion King and then we started making birds. It is part of theatrical life, I suppose, to help create the props we shall use. These are going to be big flappy birds on a wire that we suspend from a long pole and then walk along through the audience so the birds bounce up and down and appear to flap.

Meanwhile, Jesus landed in the middle of town, or at least a very elderly priest monk moonie cult-type paraded along with a venerable and venerated gold candlestick or similar, accompanied by 75 or so shaven-headed brainwashees in silly robes, some with extremely whiffy incense burners, with which they ritually cleansed the soul of downtown, or some such hogwash.

After acting I had a swift lunch and left the house by bike just as Jof had got back complaining of tired feet, she should be so lucky. This is the day of the Picnic On The Green which is a traditional Merrie England-style village fete. It occupies the field by the Mad Hospital and my Scout group do the coconut shy and there's the Pompey Pluckers who are a disparate group of weirdos who play ukulele and sing Queen medleys and even the Stray Cat Strut.

I go every year and so do a lot of my mates, once I'd seen Leyton and Oakley and Owen and Megan and the Dixie Chicks and Erin and Aran and the Scout leaders and Ingrid and Lucy, I pretty well lost count. Some Scouts tried to recruit me to my own group, duh, and I found some new wooden teepees in the wooded area and about 9 of us climbed the Big Red Tree and it was epic.

We had a go on the coconut shy and my cocomojo has obviously left me as I only got (but split) one nut. I also won several lollipops which benefited some lost local hedgehogs apparently, and I did have a bounce on the bouncy castle but it hurt my full tummy and I may be getting too old for it.

Well, that was it, really, so I hopped back on my excellent new bike with its big wheels rolling down the road and its 18 gears and we signalled and pulled out into the right hand lane like bosses.

England started their Euro 2016 campaign and Bud bought 'The Italian Job' to help teach me to be English. The film starts a little slowly but I did love the mini shenanigans and the rubbish Italian cops and then we watched the Engerlund match and we wuz robbed in the last minute but at least we didn't lose.