Spotless intentions

OK, so some days at school are boring, or at least, go as planned and contain nothing remarkable. Best I can offer is when we did some kind of 5-step process (read, comprehend, select bullet points, précis original text) and I graduated to Step 5 which was continue with your 3rd draft of the picture for our art gallery.

This meant we were let loose on the good quality paper and the proper inks and paints where generations of previous students haven't got their sweaty mitts on them and made them all go browny-purple.

Gosh, it was good, using a syringe-like dispenser to ooze virginal white (quite) into jade green with aquamarine and mix to make my sea.

Some of those poxy Year 3s are on their 7th draft, some who waste time or who are using the printing press only have time for 2.

Tomorrow is Children in Need Day. This worthy cause nets millions of sovereigns of the realm every year for these needy kids and our school, like all the rest, charges you £1 to come in in civvies with a spotty motif.

In years past, I have donned a hand-modified plain white T-shirt with dots and planets and star systems and black holes and aliens and so forth: and lots of fun they are too. Here are 3 of my previous efforts.

This year, I had the choice of 1) Go to Giant Tesco and buy some more plain white tees to be modified, or 2) use my "Now I have a machine gun, ho ho ho" T-shirt and modify it with bullet holes on the front and star systems on the back.

In my opinion, bullet holes are incompatible with needy children, and I just couldn't be bothered to go shopping for more so I declared I was too old for this dotty lark and that I'd pay my (OK, his) £1 and do nothing.

So here is a picture of the First Lego League trophy won by my school last year, that we hope to retain on a tense robotic stand-off later this academic year. With Jof out swimming again, I had enough free time to have another non-frightening alien-free film, so I chose little-known 80s Rom-Com "Commando" in which my favourite film star shoots, stabs, detonates and steams his way through 7 grillion rent-a-soldiers and finds a new girlfriend.